How does love begin?
According to researches, love begins with these following factors:
- Close relationship is the beginning of love; friendship, and getting to know each other, and then this relationship is developed to another step of loving and marriage. This kind of relationship gives chance for them to have more time to get to know each other by talking and exchanging their experiences.
- Appearance attraction is like the window of heart. Good looking person is more attractive to other people and is felt in love by others easier than those who are less good looking .
- Having similar characters-- taste, similarity of ideas, and life styles can draw two persons close to each other because these similarities can help people make relashiption faster and easier.
What reasons do the people give when they choose their spouse ?
According to Freud’s theory (Freud) , he said people decide to choose their spouse with these following reasons:
- Having similar character to thier parents. This love is called “anaclitic love” , divided in to two ways ; positive ways and negative way . Positive way is the impression of those who have admirable father or mother, for example, a daughter who has kind and gentle father, she tends to choose kind and gentle man to be her boyfriend. On the contrary, the negative way is opposite to the first way, people tend to choose their loved ones who are opposite to their father of mother, for example, a son who has fussy mother, he tends to choose girlfriend who is calm and quiet.
- Having same character as themselves. This calls narcissistic love . The positive way is someone who decide to love someone who has the similar character to him/her self. Similarity can help people get to know each other better and faster, and bring them more confident. On the contrary, the negative way is different, a person tends to choose someone who is different from him/her, for example, a quiet man may like joyful, talkative and cheerful girl to fulfill what he lacks. This will bring excitement, and learning for him.
- Having same character as their ideal person. This love happens when she/ he meets a person who has exact qualifications to what they dream for, for example, handsome, pretty, rich, good looking, kind and gentle etc.
- Elements of love Love can be expressed in three ways : emotion (affect), thought (cognition), and behavior.
- Emotion/ affect : is emotion of loving, liking, feeling good, persons will be happy when they meets and spend time with their boyfriend/ girlfriend.
- Thought/ Cognition : is to understand person whom she/ he loves, focusing on good things, accepting his/ her weakness, seeing her/ him valuable, and respecting.
There is relation between cognition and behavior, this also causes problems when each element dose not go along. For example, a man tells his girl that he loves her, but his action is different, he never does anything to show that he loves her, cares for her. This seems what he said is useless.
Period of love
It can be divided in to 3 periods (According to Lasswell’s theory)
- Period 1 is called Romantic love, this is promotional period, it is sweetest time, everything looks so good. This period is about first 3 months to 1 year.
- Period 2 is called Logical – Sensible Love. This is reasonable period, you can start to see strong and weak points of one another. Understanding and adjusting is needed, then love can be progressed to another step, but the love relationship of many people, on the contrary, is also terminated in this period.
- Period 3 is called Lifelong friendship. This is friendship love, it is true, committed and friendship love. This love is cherished by sharing bad and good experiences together.
Categories of love
Love can be divided into various categories but mainly into 2 big categories.
- Immature love ( This love is immature or poppy love ) This kind of love allows emotion to be influential, they will focus on their own desire, they just want someone to fulfil something missing in their heart. Immature love: I love you because I need you
- Mature love (It is mature love) It is love of those who are emotionally mature, reasonable, and patient. It is more active than passive, (being giver than receiver). : Mature love : I need you because I love you
The characteristics of Mature love
- Focusing on one’s goodness,
- Accepting the differences
- Learning to apologize and forgive
- Being responsible
- Good friendship
- Appropriate expectation